disclaimer: every month for this year, I have decided to give up a vice or something that I may rely on that I don’t necessarily need to rely on. this month was originally going to be bread however a few days into February I was enjoying a piece of pizza and a very wise friend pointed out that pizza was bread. Imagine my disappointment when I discovered that she was correct. so, in an effort to stay true to my word and remain authentic I decided to give up something else. I had been sick for the first few days in February and was drinking tea instead of my usual cup of coffee and I knew… there was only one possible thing I could give up…
I miss you. it’s been a couple weeks and I know that we parted in terms that you may not of agreed with. it wasn’t time yet I know… and now… I’m wishing that this was any other month, or that I hadn’t had that pizza a few weeks back, or we’d still be enjoying each others company (who knew that pizza was considered bread… I certainly did not). and now on day 21… I am still finding myself visiting you when I grudgingly grab a cup of tea instead of you. your fragrance litters every corner I walk through and every space I occupy. I see others holding you and it takes everything I have to not slap you out of someone else’s hands. I don’t deserve to be mocked, you look at me with contempt, knowing full well i wasnt ready to give you up yet. I know I crave you, in the morning like we used to, or on my break when things start picking up at work, or those long bus rides home at night. I hate that I miss you. I hate that every where I go, all I see is you, you and someone else… hugging, kissing openly in public, getting steamy and hot on park benches. I treated you with respect, I was faithful to you.. and now.. look at you… whoring yourself out like this…
I’m sorry… I didn’t mean that.. well I did but I take back calling you a “whore”… you’re not… you are doing what you have to and if that means keeping company of those that need you.. well then you are doing a far greater job at inspiring others then I am. *sigh* I went off track there… and that is what happens when I don’t get my daily dose of you. I’m a complete wreck without you. there will come a time when I will understand why I’ve done this and you will find some way to forgive me. perhaps you will be there on day 365 applauding my success (you will probably be in someone else’s hands but my only hope is that by then.. my jealousy will have subsided)…there will come a day that I will welcome you back into my life but right now… being friends hurts my soul too much to allow. I just want you to know that tea has not replaced you, there will never be another like you. we will be what we once where one day. I promise you. until then… please try to see that in the deepest of my soul I still think of you and want you in a way i will never be able to fully explain.